it's been a year for us for three days now. i want to spend every night with you for the rest of my life. and then in the morning when you think i'm sleeping, when i'm in the slow recovery from dreaming and you kiss my cheek or my shoulder blade and i can feel what life is going to be like from here on out; effortless. i can't fall sleep anymore unless you're beside me - awake until exhaustion grips me and pulls me face down onto my pillow at 4 am and i'm off to that whirling mist and back again by 3 pm. everything with you is so easy. even when we fight we laugh. you are such a good person, and you're the reason i feel alright in my own skin. i always felt so out of place, wondering what everyone thought, trying to please and impress but now i've grown so comfortable being myself around you that i can do it everywhere i go - in that way i always take you with me. i keep you with me in the little things

i can feel you 5 blocks away. curled under your quilt on the bed we made our own. when i am not with you and i sleep i am lost. i leave my hand out of the covers pretending you're grasping it. i touch my head to the cool of the wall and pretend it's your mouth. i need you all the time and it's a shame that we're so young and can't get out of this place.

tomorrow marks 10 months. i've never been more happy in my entire life. he's my perfect matchhhhh. queue fiddler on the roof's "miracle of miracles" hahaha. the longest relationship i've ever had and i never want it to enddd

have you ever just been so taken with someone that you don't care about how creepy you look when you stare at them?

i can never keep my eyes from stretching over the planes of your perfect shoulder blades, freckled
the curve to your collar bones, hollowed out
like the dips in a long winding road. the slope of your jaw, your dark eyes
heavy lidded and slightly sunken in - the thinness
of your skin, translucent
and the way your veins whirl
spiraling around your wrists to your steady hands
on my hip
on my back
on my neck.

how steep your torso is
hands gliding up the ripples in your chest
your ribcage has the largest
wingspan i have ever known and each little trip
down to the cliffs of your hipbones is never complete until
my fingertip taps them as they make their way downnnnnn

it's been forever since i've last written in here. i never know what to write anymore. i just have to put things here. for safe keeping. like the fact that i wake up every morning wishing i was waking up next to david. it's taken me 4 years to realize that he's absolutely my match. i can't remember loving anybody this much. i mean, i've loved but never like this, because the other loves were completely one sided. i never got anything back but now i get more back than i've ever given and it feels so good to have someone who adores me just as much as i adore them. i find myself thinking all day about how amazing it will be when i can go to work at my dream career, and come home to him at the end of the day, and just be in his presence all the time. i can't picture my future without him in it, i wish i could marry him tomorrow. i'm so immersed in this relationship that i barely think about anything else, and that's probably not a good thing but i honestly don't care. i don't want to even be a liberal arts major, i just want to switch right now to photography and FIT and the life i always fucking dreamed of and a house with little children running around while i develop my negs in my walk-in closet-turned-dark room and smile because i have everything i've always wanted and everything is gonna be okay, no matter what, because i have david.